Hey Indian Guy, Just Riff With Me.

Have you ever tried to talk to a random Indian guy on the street?  They’re polite but they give off this franticness to cut the conversation.  Even some of the young Indian men raised here seem different when outside of their social circles.  But I mostly interact with the gas station store clerk or the Pizza Hut Store Manager who’s obviously not born here.  There was this one time when I wanted to compliment the pizza and he seemed shocked that I spoke to him.  Why do this?  Why can’t not just be themselves?  I like certain aspects of the Indian culture like your food — and your women.

This really happened:

I went to an Indian restaurant with a good looking woman (I’m latino brown and she’s American black) and every Indiand there began staring and glancing.  I’m 95% certain I saw one woman clutch her daughter when we walked in.  I wasn’t there to rob the place;  I tried to start some conversations to ease the tension but my ‘Hey, date night, huh?’ was met with a dry ‘Yes, yes, very gud.’  The uncles acted like I came to negotiate dowry before taking their daughter as my wife.

I haven’t seen that make people stare through their peripherals at one time before.  It was like that scene in Life when Eddie and Martin walk into a predominantly white restaurant.  Just replace the whites with Indians.  I didn’t feel any hostility, but we all know Indian men are the scariest guys around — I was ready.

Indian people are  going to have to accept other people into their circles if they want to fully enjoy the American experience.

Yes, your accent is very funny — just accept it.  Don’t limit yourself because of the way you sound.  If I blatantly make fun of you, you can point out something you find funny about me.  We can laugh together.  Yes, the chances of people mocking you is high, but that only builds character.  That’s why men are harsh when joking among friends; we want you to have a strong sense of self.

Eventually we’ll become friendly and you won’t stare when I walk into your restaurants.  It’s rude.

My advice to Indian men is this:

  1. Stop playing out some imagined blooywood script when you’re hanging around your friends.

2. Start chatting instead of staring.

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